My story

Healing starts with you

I was 21 when I got married (young and naive) he was so charming at first and so was his family. long and short is…I endured sexual, emotional, coercive and physical abuse although it all affected me and my state of mind, I would still say that the emotional abuse was the hardest to get over. The effects that this left were horrendous and as a parent left my children with scars also, not only did I have to heal myself I had to try break my children out of the cycles of abuse. My children had got to stage where they we’re addicted to the drama, they would kick off for no reason just to gain a negative reaction because they had become addicted to the hormones that the body releases when in fear. I myself had to retrain my brain to not react to the bad behaviour and only react to their good behaviour. While all this was going on I was also depressed but had no idea, I started to suffer from anxiety sometimes I didn’t even want to go out the door,I isolated myself from friends and family as they didn’t understand what me and my children we’re going through. I started joining online groups to get support, then started inner child healing, it was only then that I  truly started healing. I started to understand that I couldn’t continue to blame my abuser but I had to blame myself for letting it continue. I now had two important tasks to complete

1) forgive my abuser for what he done ( because I can’t control his actions only he can do that) I couldn’t hold on to hatred and bitterness any longer.

2) to forgive myself for allowing it to continue..as I felt guilty for everything I put my children through..if I had left when it started my children wouldn’t of witnessed what they did.

I then realised that I had learned an important lesson, and that my children could learn from this to.

I can only control my own reactions I can’t control anyone else’s, I only hope that this quote works..

Monkey see, monkey do!!

Children don’t tend to do as you say but they do follow your actions.

 

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8 thoughts on “My story

  1. “started to understand that I couldn’t continue to blame my abuser but I had to blame myself for letting it continue.” You should not blame yourself, you endured and suffered for years, there is a book called Psychopath Free, I encourage you to read it. Yes, forgiveness is key, but there is no blame. Stay strong.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The right way… 🙂 I had denied, replaced, repressed, compensated, etc. In the end, a ghost will come back to haunt the one who didn’t heal properly. It’s always a good thing to start the process of healing even when we’re not quite sure how to proceed. All the best.

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  3. You could be writing my story. So much of what you wrote is the same for me and my children. The cycle had to be broken. I actually wrote in my book that kids will do what you do. We have to set the example and no longer accept the abuse as normal and acceptable.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It took me a while to notice that it was still continuing even after he left. I felt the same started blogging to raise awareness and help others heal . There’s a lot of information on narcissists but not much in regards to the effects it leaves on the children.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, as long as they can still control you, they will continue. It took me moving away with my children and “no contact” before the healing really began. Our wounds can’t heal when they are continuing to get infected.

        Liked by 1 person

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