What I’ve overcome

Today was a bad day, I felt as if everything was spiralling backwards and nothing had changed, until I started to remember that just a few months ago I was suffering from anxiety and panic attacks. Everytime I went to and from work I was overwhelmed with a sense of fear that something awful was going to happen. I still went to work and faced that fear everyday, and fought with the thoughts that were going through my mind, a ten minute bus journey felt like an hour, but with everyday the thoughts and fears got less and less. At night when I turned the key in the door I would lay down and see flashbacks of the abuse, and think why didn’t I scream, shout out or tell someone, I couldn’t understand why all these feelings kept coming back. I was lost, scared and felt alone. I soon realised that the feelings had come back because I had suppressed them in my mind, I started to allow myself to feel the feelings that were associated to my abuse. Each night I targeted a specific trauma and allowed myself to feel the emotion that was attached to it, then I let it go, by saying to myself it wasn’t your fault I’m sorry I wasn’t there, I know it sounds daft but that’s what I did, and slowly but surely the feelings went away. Although I had a bad day today I am no where near where I used to be, and I know that I’ve still a lot of work to do before I’m fully healed but I reckon now I could tell my story without a tear in my eye.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s